Is This OK?: One Woman's Search For Connection Online

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She writes her story in such an open way and with such a comic, albeit self-deprecating voice, that I found this book next to impossible to put down, I guess it was that window into someone else’s life that she herself finds so addictive. But it is not just her writing style and her voice that is so compelling, it is the brave honesty and the raw edge-ness that is piled into this book that makes it fascinating. I call my sister Libby. Seven years older than me, often in a car with her two boys, she’s the person I normally turn to when things get real. She’s driving and I’m on speakerphone. I’ve come to realise my relationship with the internet is an infidelity: a remorseless, ongoing affair with the fringes of humanity, while I am in a stable relationship with all of my friends and relatives. I find it impossible to believe that I will have the strength to give up this habit for ever. But at least now there is a growing awareness of my fortune, and of the dangers of wasted time.

Throughout a fifteen-year career in journalism, Harriet Gibsone has worked as a prominent writer and editor at a range of titles. Former Deputy Editor of the Guardian Guide, she has written for G2, The Sunday Times Culture, Time Out, Nylon and 125 Magazine, and has provided a comedic voice to huge brands such as Bumble. In 2020 she co-created and co-wrote the acclaimed BBC Three comedy short BEHIND THE FILTER with Ted Lasso writer Phoebe Walsh.You won’t be able to do IVF – you have a low egg supply, and your ovarian supply will not respond to IVF drugs.” This is a twist. I had skipped over the fertility details on Google, assuming there would be a simple scientific solution to my eggs being low. This is one of those pivotal moments: the ones where women stand up for themselves at the doctors. Demanding answers. Not leaving until they have their way. I’ve heard about them, and only in my wildest dreams have I imagined being obstinate in the face of a health professional. Paul Martinovic, associate editor, acquired world rights from Ruth Cairns at Featherstone Cairns. Is This OK? will be published in 2023. You can have my eggs,” she responds, as if at a breakfast buffet. And so begins a dual journey: my quest to get pregnant, and my battle against the demon hormones.

Harriet the Spy is a 1964 childrens’ book about a little girl who snoops relentlessly on her neighbours. Harriet Gibsone did the same thing when she was young. Now in her late 30s, she still shares with the fictional Harriet a powerful imagination and endless fascination with others. Harriet the Spy was banned in a number of American schools; apparently morally upright people didn’t approve of watchful girls trying to figure out the world on their own terms. I love these characters, nurturing as they do some feeling of control in a world where they do not have any. as a writer myself, I found myself relating so heavily to Harriet's experiences with people she obsesses over online and thinks are too amazing and beautiful and talented to ever live up to. she's constantly acutely aware of her own feelings of imposter syndrome, feeling too basic, untalented, and stupid... always comparing herself to those around her who seem to be able to have original ideas and know how to pull the right words from their brain always at the right times, while she's too busy looking at these people for the right opinions so she can then somehow try to craft her own work and tweets. based on this book alone, however, it's exceptionally clear that Harriet is absolutely not a fake: she's the real deal and she's got the talent to prove it—even if it writing about her own life in this way is what took her to truly find it. I loved this book because it is SO relatable. Harriet is only a few years older than me, so I felt like I had a very similar experience of the world and pop culture growing up – the nostalgia really hit me reading this! But what really captivated me was Harriet’s unfiltered honesty and authenticity, as she fearlessly shared the highs and lows that many women can relate to. Brain fog leaves me exhausted and unable to form a coherent thought, let alone a sentence. I haven’t had a period for a year I’m a bit unsure on my thoughts for this one. I did enjoy reading it, and despite being that bit younger, I found it quite relatable in a way that I think most people, in their thirties and under, will - we’re so very easily drawn in to our phones, and we so easily make assumptions on other people based on what they have posted online. However the author tends to take that to the extreme, feverishly looking over partners ex-girlfriends digital footprints, hyperfixating on a fellow commuter (while struggling with personal issues), developing para-social relationships with influencers, and hearing Alexa Chung as the disparaging voice in her head.A few months pass and, at my 28-week appointment my midwife generously asks about a birthing plan, and we are encouraged to draw up a list of requirements to ensure tranquillity and focus. Like a projector showing a Glyndebourne live stream and access to a qualified reiki instructor, for example. But not me. Not little old low-maintenance, delicate angel me. “Just get the baby out of me alive!” I jest, nervously, and she looks relieved. Her social media output suggests her child’s birth was a slightly intense poo in a paddling pool, while ours was murderous

I was 19 and in the market for a new idol when I first saw her bounce on screen with Popworld co-star Alex Zane in the mid-00s. Within months her reign as one of the last true “It” girls had begun – a force of style and personality that would later catapult her to America, launch her clothing brand and create the type of hype and mystique normally preserved by pop stars, or a natural deodorant that actually works.Eventually my preoccupations with other people’s lives would expand to include those with a public profile, too – people on TV, in films, musicians and, in later years, influencers. I’d come to discover this has a name: parasocial relationships, the dynamic where a “normal” person feels strongly towards a famous person. The term originated in 1956 to refer to the relationship between viewers and television personalities, and has become more widespread over the past decade due to fanatical “Stan” culture and the superficial notion that we have 24-hour access to the lives of public figures via social media and reality shows. In 2017, Harriet Gibsone was a music journalist for the Guardian – working hard, going out lots, and just married. She was ready for her 30s, but not quite ready for a family. Honestly, I nearly gave up at the beginning as, whilst the writing was good, the 'story' was pretty non-existent and I found myself wondering why on earth I was reading about someone's fairly uneventful life. I did enjoy it more towards the end and found myself really empathising with Harriet as she grew her family. I stop showering and exercising, preserving my energy for basic tasks such as “putting on the same massive grey jumper as yesterday” and for wallowing in my own disgustingness. In spite of my greasy hair and unusual temper, my husband Mark still cares about my wellbeing, and encourages me to be persistent with the GP so we can get an official diagnosis. After a year of puzzled doctors and lots of blood tests, I am summoned to an endocrinologist in a hospital in central London. Is This OK? is a memoir, full of finely told stories that were once secrets existing only in the writer’s mind; addictions, obsessions, weirdnesses. Gibsone came of age at the same time as the internet, her own development shaped by its strange currents. She chooses episodes from her life and makes some of them funny – laugh-out-loud-on-the-train funny; some of them are frightening and sad. Many illuminate a bigger truth about living at this peculiar time and in the grey area between the online and offline worlds. That is, of course, where many of us spend hours each day, without fully realising it, even as researchers warn us of the negative impact on self-esteem and mental health.