Ask Me His Name: Learning to live and laugh again after the loss of my baby

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So maybe I go at it from a selfish perspective now, and think ‘Why should I have to swallow my words and my opinions so you don’t feel awkward? You made an already difficult journey, that I'm struggling more with after losing my baby (at 29 weeks from TTC for 5 years, 2 of which with fertility treatment) a little bit harder and I assure you its hard enough. I guess I kind of want it to be the same thing around child loss, that people go ‘Oh God, now I know what to say, let’s carry on the conversation, let’s support the person. As a 22 year old, avid reader it is safe to say I received a couple of question about why i would want to purchase a book that talks about the death of a baby and a mothers journey through navigating a motherhood she never expected however, something drew me to Elle.

Ask Me His Name is a moving account of Elle's pregnancy, Teddy's life, and what happens when a mother leaves a hospital with empty arms.Just a few hours later, they woke to find him cold and unresponsive, and the happiest day of Elle's life had turned into every parent's worst nightmare.

Would highly recommend anyone to read this book, not only for the emotional reconnection to reality, but also the fact it’s such a beautifully written story in memory of someone so dear. So giving women that confidence and pointing them in the right direction to talk to somebody who knows how they’re feeling, is incredibly important. Elle is an inspirational woman and reading as someone who lost a child I could identify with everything she said.People were saying ’Oh God, no one knows what to say to me’ but none of us were doing anything to change the way that conversation was happening. Because by this point it was into the summer, I was a year and a bit after losing Teddy, and I felt so much stronger. Her Feathering The Empty Nest blog is a way of finding light in darkness, positivity in times of desperation and, hopefully, making a few people laugh along the way. There was a particular moment and I can still think about it so clearly: I was sitting up in bed, about a week or two after Teddy died, and I could hear people walking to work. I was sobbing in some places and smiling in others, I wanted to give Elle a huge hug in many places, you can feel every emotion in this book and it is so beautifully well written.

It’s an emotional story that had me crying whilst reading it in the bath and many times into my glass of wine.But it’s so tough for them because all their friends are experiencing a different type of motherhood, and they feel like their narrative of motherhood is not valid, or that it doesn’t matter, because it isn’t a thing that gets spoken about. I think it’s so important when you’re talking about maternity, when you’re talking about motherhood, that everybody’s narrative gets an opportunity to be heard: I come across a lot of women who have lost children, or had recurring miscarriages or stillbirths, and haven’t been able to go on and have any more children, but still consider themselves a mother. Nobody had written a really honest account of what it feels like to go through that, and how do you start to think about the positive stuff again?