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Don't have anal sex just because your partner wants you to. Michael Krychman, M.D., states the obvious but important thing to remember which is, like with all sexual acts: "Don't feel pressured to engage in something you're not comfortable with." It's bad for your mental health. Communicate with your partner: Open and honest communication is crucial when it comes to any sexual activity. Discuss your desires, boundaries, and concerns with your partner to ensure you feel comfortable and safe, especially for new sexual experiences like anal play. Relaxing your anus requires a relaxed mind and muscles. Try a hot bath or deep breathing before attempting dilation. If pleasure’s the goal, some solo play should do just fine. Use lots of lube It’s no secret that poop comes out of the anus. Most fecal matter sits higher up in your rectum, but anal play can bring on the urge to poop.
If you’re using a silicone dilator, use a water-based lube like #LubeLife instead. Remember: Silicone breaks down silicone. Choose the best position Trauma — like stretching and straining — causes your anal lining to tear. But preexisting conditions can also play a role. This has to do with the anatomy of your anus (butthole), which is really the last few centimeters of the long, muscular tube known as your large intestine. Taylor Sparks is an erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven, one of the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shops. THE REVIEW:"So I bought this after doing plenty of research and was curious if this would be a good lube for anal intercourse…and [it] EXCEEDED the expectation of just being another basic silicone lube," writes one customer. "We tried it on both of us, and the texture is unlike any other brand...[and] we have tried many brands to date. It seemed to make everything go in and out easy with very little lube degradation or anal pain."Test for Allergies: Before applying any product to sensitive areas, test it on a less sensitive part of your body (like the inside of your forearm) to ensure you don’t have an allergic reaction.
Preparation is key anytime you’re inserting anything in your butt. It can make or break your experience… and your anus. Apply a liberal amount of lube to your finger or toy, as well as around your anal opening. By liberal I mean basting yourself up like you would a turkey on Thanksgiving. Luna Matatas is a sex and pleasure educator based in Toronto, Canada, who coined Peg the Patriarchy and hosts b-Vibe's The Plug podcast.
Why should you use anal lube?
You’ve gotta love the butt plug and its efficient shape. They generally have narrow tips that gradually widen toward the middle then taper down again. If you’re feeling actual pain — like a severe, sharp, or throbbing pain — then slowly pull out. You can try again in a couple of days with a smaller toy or after being sufficiently relaxed. A natural lube, like this one from Passion Lubes, is a good choice for your delicate derriere. Say no to numbing agents If dilation is the only goal, there’s no reason to keep it inside once you’ve managed to get it in all the way. Take a sitz bath two or three times a day for at least 10-15 minutes. This is a shallow, warm water bath that you sit in to soak your anus. It can relieve your symptoms and help relax your muscles.
Relax your sphincter muscles: The key to comfortable anal penetration is to relax the anal sphincter. You can do this by taking deep breaths, exhaling slowly, and consciously relaxing your pelvic floor muscles, like you are having a bowel movement to help the muscles open up. Unless you’ve got carpal tunnel, you don’t need to worry about weight if you’re choosing dilators or dildos. This advice still stands if your partner ejaculates inside you. Though some people worry this could cause runny poops that resemble diarrhea, Dr. Frankhouse says this actually isn’t the case. For one thing, since poop usually isn’t in your rectum until you’re close to expelling it, there’s no real opportunity for poop and semen to mix. Even if poop could go farther up into your colon, semen is usually runny. Since your anus will likely remain expanded for a few minutes after anal sex, that semen can just leak right on out, Dr. Frankhouse says. If you want to go to the bathroom to expel that, feel free, but it’s not necessary! Unlike vaginas, [which provide natural lubrication], anuses do not self-lubricate,” board-certified ob-gyn Jacques Moritz, MD, previously told SELF. Anal penetration without adequate lubrication can cause the tissue in your anus to tear, SELF previously reported, which is both painful and dangerous. These tears in the anus area can make you more susceptible to sexually transmitted infections (or STIs), like gonorrhea and HIV, according to Dr. Moritz. What kinds of lube are safe for anal sex?
During anal
If met with resistance — which is totally normal — gently remove the dilator, reapply more lube, and try again. The G-spot is thought to be a cluster of vaginal, urethral, and clitoral tissues and nerves, Dr. Chinn says. While the exact location of this cluster varies depending on the person, some people can feel it when they put pressure on the front vaginal wall, about one or two inches inside the vagina. The emphasis here is on “some.” There’s actually a pretty big debate about the G-spot in the sex education and medical fields.
If there’s too much poop in your rectum, shallow penetration will probably be all you can muster. Using a rectal douche to clean out poop in the lower rectum can help. Removal should be slow and steady. Try to keep the dilator in line with your anus and rectum as you gently pull it out. What should you do if…? Silicone, stainless steel, and borosilicate glass — or Pyrex — are great because they’re nonporous and easy to care for. Most dilator kits, like this one from VuVatech, start at around 0.5 inches in diameter, which is a good starting point for most.
Try a hot bath, a massage, or some foreplay to help you get your stretch on. Be generous with the lube