Before & Laughter: The funniest man in the UK’s genuinely useful guide to life

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I think if you have a friend that’s tetraplegic you have to be quite chatty, because obviously the typing takes him so long,” he says, in a remark that feels like one of his jokes but isn’t. “We’d do shots together sometimes too. His care team said tequila would be too much, so he’d be on the Cointreau.” Already anticipating his next tour, he has challenged himself to modify his short-form, gag-heavy form of stand-up. From prioritising the future over the present, to understanding the benefits of laughter, and from working on your disposition to finding your edge, Carr suggests some key pillars to help us free ourselves from punishing patterns of behaviour and negative internal voices, so that we can pursue our dreams. Surely he must have allowed himself a wry smile during Cameron’s recent lobbying scandal with Greensill? “No, I don’t wish him any ill at all,” he says, before adding some advice that could come straight from his own book. “I think it’s that thing of letting go. If you’re bitter and angry, it’s best to let go.”

How often does it happen? “I try not to think about it, because I think you’d be looking for it. But it happens occasionally.” Rather disarmingly, he stresses repeatedly throughout his book that anyone could have done this, and that he had no supernatural talent for comedy. “Or any talent at all,” he says. “I’d never written a joke before I was 25. And now I’m good at writing jokes. It’s a learnable skill. And I learned that skill.” He laughs. “Is this making me sound like an incel elder? I did have opportunities, but I was bad at reading the signs, and I would friend-zone people. A lot of girls I was very, very close to growing up, we had incredibly intimate relationships, but we didn’t have a physical relationship, and it was lovely…” Carr opens up admirably in the book about his mental health, his problem drinking and the grief he experienced when his mother died in 2001, just as his comedy career was beginning. “I found the book incredibly cathartic to write,” he says. “Especially about my mother. There’s that lovely phrase, that you die twice – once when you die, and again the last time someone says your name. So I loved that thing of being able to talk about my mum.” Currently appearing as one of the judges on the BBC One talent show I Can See Your Voice, Carr is set to resume his stand-up tour, Terribly Funny, at the Palace Theatre in London on June 15.Carr worked as a marketing executive for Shell, a job he hated, before a "quarter-life crisis" at 25 led to him study psychotherapy and begin doing stand-up. An intensely dedicated open spot, for two years he performed for more than 300 nights a year, two years running. Carr is an engaging presence – friendly, enthusiastic, happy to answer uncomfortable questions, albeit with an unnervingly intense stare at times. He seems a little dejected when I tell him I was more interested in the memoir sections of the book. But he rarely gives much of himself away, so it’s interesting to read such personal material. The book covers most of his life, from growing up in Slough and going to university at Cambridge to meeting his partner of 20 years, the TV producer Karoline Copping, and hosting shows such as 8 Out of 10 Cats. He may not think his showbiz stories are particularly interesting, but I loved hearing about his friendship with Stephen Hawking, whom he would take out for a curry and a musical. As for drugs, “I’ve tried everything once, but I’m not a drug person,” he says. “I’ve met people who are funnier after a couple of pints. But I’ve never once in my life met someone and gone: ‘Oh, he’s a bit quiet, but you’ve got to meet him after he’s had some cocaine.’” As a result he spent his first 12 years of comedy success avoiding alcohol completely. “Which was much better. You have better conversations. The only thing about being sober around comedians is that, around 2am, you might as well f**k off home. You’re just going to be told the same anecdote again.”

Perhaps this unusual devotion to his mum (“I suppose a therapist would tell you I was ‘enmeshed’”) is why he found himself still a virgin at 26, although he says the situation never bothered him. “It’s, like, not everyone’s doing that at the same time. But if you’re watching Euphoria on TV as a 16-year-old you’re going to think, ‘What the f**k? I’ve never had a threesome – what’s going on?’”The only thing about being sober around comedians is that, around 2am, you might as well go home. You're just going to be told the same anecdote again He trails off and reconsiders what he’s just said. “No, I think I probably was a little bit stressed about it, a bit down about it,” he decides. “But it was probably a good thing, because if things had been a bit better in my early 20s I might not have quit my job for comedy.” He trails off and reconsiders what he’s just said. “No, I think I probably was a little bit stressed about it, a bit down about it,” he decides. “But it was probably a good thing because if things had been a bit better in my early 20s, I might not have quit my job for comedy.” He seems to mean it, too. It may not have been for me, but if the book helps anyone else reach the same level of contentment as Carr seems to have, maybe he's on to something. – Guardian

Exploring how the comedian found personal and professional happiness, Before & Laughter will be published by Quercus on 28th September. The book covers most of his life, from growing up in Slough, near London, and going to university at Cambridge to meeting his partner of 20 years, the TV producer Karoline Copping, and hosting shows such as 8 Out of 10 Cats. He may not think his showbiz stories are particularly interesting, but I loved hearing about his friendship with Stephen Hawking, whom he would take out for a curry and a musical. From prioritising the future over the present to understanding the benefits of laughter, and from working on your disposition to finding your edge, Jimmy takes us through some key pillars to help us free ourselves from punishing patterns of behaviour and negative internal voices, so that we can pursue our dreams.Reflecting upon his accomplishments, Carr told Dane Baptiste on his podcast that "I'm writing this thing at the moment, thinking about the past a lot, when I became a success. Carr is estranged from his father, and mentions him just briefly in the book. He doesn’t want to say much more today but talks about “detaching with love” – having no ill feeling for his father but being unable to have him in his life. Carr became a father himself two years ago, although it was only recently reported in the media. I think if you have a friend that’s tetraplegic you have to be quite chatty, because obviously the typing takes him so long,” he says, in a remark that feels like one of his jokes, but isn’t. “We’d do shots together sometimes too. His care team said tequila would be too much so he’d be on the Cointreau.” He seems to mean it, too. It may not have been for me, but if the book helps anyone else reach the same level of contentment as Carr seems to have, maybe he’s on to something.

Jimmy Carr has written his autobiography in the form of a self-help book, British Comedy Guide can exclusively reveal.

I’m not an expert on tax accounting, but I think if the prime minister of the country where you live has broken off from the G20 in Mexico to talk about your personal tax affairs and called you out and named you, that might be a problem.” He laughs: “Is this making me sound like an incel elder? I did have opportunities but I was bad at reading the signs and I would friend-zone people. A lot of girls I was very, very close to growing up, we had incredibly intimate relationships, but we didn’t have a physical relationship and it was lovely …” I'm sort of trying to bank another tour, I'm trying to change my style a little bit stand-up wise" he told fellow comics Lou Conran and Sally-Anne Hayward on their Spit or Swallow podcast. "I find writing jokes very easy and I find writing routines more difficult. And so I'm trying to write more routines. I wonder if all this talk of wubbwubb has softened his act. “No. I’ve been writing new stuff and it’s brutal. My sense of humour doesn’t change.”