Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-free Parenting

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I felt pretty guilty about the yelling, time outs, and other punishments I have used, and I can't say I am able to do this "calm yourself, calm your child" technique 100% of the time, but I am trying and it does help. At the very least, I don't feel nearly as stressed out as I normally do, so that is a big plus. To truly be in charge means having the power to create lasting and continued growth, not just exerting power or demanding obedience. It means controlling yourself no matter what, so you can better influence your children to make good decisions. I’ll say that again: To be in charge as a parent means controlling yourself so you can influence your kids. This makes for a radical shift, a shift away from controlling your kids’ behavior. Your goal is not to control. Your goal is to influence. Remember, you are not responsible for your children’s responses. You want to continually hold up and respect their ability to make choices, even choices you disagree with. Unless they’re free to make their own choices, they can’t learn the connection between choices and consequences.”

Guess what happens when kids don’t feel connected to their most important people in life? They waste their precious energy on gaining attention and approval from parents rather than on age-appropriate developmental tasks. And if they don’t get this affirmation from parents, they become preoccupied with getting it from peers (and the results might be ugly). In this highly anticipated guide, Dr. Markham presents simple yet powerful ways to cut through the squabbling and foster a loving, supportive bond between siblings. You really can stop the fighting and raise children who will be friends for life. PEACEFUL PARENT, HAPPY SIBLINGS includes hands-on, research-based advice on: This book walks parents through sibling scenarios—even ones for very intense children—and breaks down the specifics of how to approach common Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids focuses on building connection between parents and children. The book has many ideas that can help parents stop yelling and over-reacting and really start parenting calmly and effectively, even during stressful situations. The book is full of insights and information but it's easy to read and actually applicable to everyday parenting, from meltdowns and power struggles to outlining more positive ways to deal with unacceptable behavior.A clinical psychologist specializing in child development and parenting, and founder of AhaParenting.com, Markham turns some commonly touted advice on its head, but not without first building a convincing case for her assertion that peaceful parenting is based upon unconditional love and connection. The book is divided into three "big ideas": regulating yourself; fostering connection; and coaching, not controlling. In Part One, she helps parents learn how to be mindful, patient, and manage anger. She then moves on to the importance of connection, the cornerstone of her parenting approach. A secure connection, Markham maintains, helps a child feel safe enough to explore the world, while pushing emotional independence creates needier children in the long run. With preventive maintenance such as "special time," in which the parent gives the child 100% of his/her attention for an allotted period, Markham lights the way to better-behaved kids. In Part Three, she reveals how punishment -- including the popular use of "time-out"--actually promotes bad behavior and lowers self-esteem. Instead, the author shows parents how to offer "loving guidance." She also advises avoiding the "slippery slope of disconnection" linked to "self soothing" which, she says, teaches babies that their needs will not be met and increases stress hormones. In this compassionate yet practical text, Markham deftly leads parents down a gentler, kinder path to raising emotionally intelligent and happier children. struggles, without making parents feel guilty or overwhelmed. It is a wonderful resource that gives parents the tools to not only help our children I am about half way through the book and have started using some of the techniques that it teaches. I have already noticed a difference in how my daughter and I are interacting with each other. Highly recommend this book! This idea is deeply rooted in the well-researched attachment parenting theory. In a nutshell, research shows that when children feel connected to us, they behave better, have higher self-esteem, feel more confident and less stressed, and are more resilient. These are all the necessary factors for optimal development. I am kind-hearted and not a yeller by nature and with my strong willed/high emotional needs child, I was feeling overwhelmed and at the end of my rope. Yelling and spanking were being suggested to me to deal with my son and it didn't feel right and it wasn't working! Now I know that I can be my loving self and I have the tools to work with my son in a way that doesn't ask me to change myself in negative ways (harden my heart and just become more strict, etc.) Thank you. I wish I had found this book when my son was an infant. At least we get to start going in a positive direction at 3 1/2 years. My husband has also completely jumped on board and I am so in love with all the positive changes he has made. Empathic limits has strengthened our entire family relationship. If you're a mom like me, then you need to do yourself and your children a favor and read this book. Life changing!

Parent consciously. That means pay attention to your “triggers” – what your child does that makes you feel angry and frustrated? That will be a red flag that there is an unresolved issue from your childhood. (For example, a messy home is a big trigger for me!)The dirty little secret about punishment is that it doesn’t work to teach children better behaviour. In fact, studies show that punishment creates more bad behaviour. Not just that children who behave badly get punished more, but that children who get punished more will behave badly more often over time.” One thing to remember is that there are no perfect parents. The whole point is to pay attention, pause before you act and manage your own stress. This is the way to GROWTH. In the book, Laura gives many age-appropriate strategies on how you can help your child develop mastery, so definitely grab the book! Action steps for you:

The basic premise is that kids misbehave because they crave your attention, so the best way to prevent misbehavior is to proactively slather your kid in a ton of attention. Once they've misbehaved, you again slather them in attention in the form of empathy until they feel heard and loved. angel on your shoulder, whispering useful secrets in your ear...{She} shows us how to replenish our spirits so

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Calm Parents, Happy Kids is the UK version of Dr Laura Markham's hugely successful and ground-breaking book, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. Now adapted for UK audiences, this practical and inspiring book reveals a three step programme that will transform family life. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is invaluable. But Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings takes it to the next level and makes it all come alive so vividly. The scripts

If you can read a book and take the good while leaving the bad, then this book is worth reading. If you're the kind of person who falls head-over-heels for a parenting philosophy and then treats it like the Bible, then please avoid this book because you will become a completely demented person (like the woman in a FB mom group who recommended this to me). There are two main ways to help him discharge big emotions: tears and laughter. In a nutshell, we need to help a child play when he can and cry when he needs to.So many things in this book were almost uncanny in how they described my children, but I really struggled with the idea of removing consequences and time outs as a part of our parenting techniques. However, I have already seen differences in my kids after just a few days and I am happier as a mom. I can honestly say that today was the first day in a long time where I didn't feel emotionally exhausted at the days end and truly enjoyed being a mom! I recommend this book to any parent who wants to truly get to the root of the behavior problems with their kids. As any parent of more than one child knows, it’s challenging for even the most engaged parent to maintain a peaceful home when competition, irritation and tempers run high. L. Markham vine în ajutor părinților cu o mulțime de sfaturi și informații utile cum să educi fără pedepse, fără țipete, cu empatie și dragoste. concepts are transformative....Dr. Markham's approach is about being the parent you want to be: about raising happy, responsible, emotionally healthy Dr. Laura Markham’s approach is as simple as it is effective. Her message: Fostering emotional connection with your child creates real and lasting change. When you have that vital connection, you don’t need to threaten, nag, plead, bribe--or ever punish.