Grandma Bernie: Taboo MILF Affair

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Christine knew that her parents weren’t married and that the family had a difficult relationship with her mother’s sister, Jean. Far from healing over time, the impacts of this mother-to-son childhood sexual abuse seem to continue. Since she met him, Lucetta had witnessed Marcus struggling to come to terms with what happened to him in childhood.

As adults, the majority of men in Lucetta’s study felt “very trapped, very isolated, very afraid and very unsure of how to go about getting help and understanding the power dynamics that they had been subjected to.” I honestly believe she [his mother] had probably been sexually abused herself,” he says, adding: “I feel pity for her.” I eventually just turned around and said ‘Mum, I’m gay’. I said, ‘you don’t know what it’s been like’. She just span round and said, ‘I think I do’.”

4. Liz’s family secret

I was aware it was something I shouldn’t talk about. Without saying, ‘you must keep this a secret’, I knew that you must keep it a secret. She didn’t want him to go. He had to stay at her side. Every time he got up to stretch his legs she became uneasy. Eventually he lay down beside her. The first thing he said was, ‘you’re lying, she would never do that.’ But he had to believe us because we had proof. I hated her because of abuse,” he says, “I had a list of people who I wanted dead and she was on that list.” It was standing right over my bed staring directly at me. This little girl that looked like my sister from the dream stared at me with this pained look on her face that slowly shifted to one of ravenous hunger. She reached her hands towards me and I could feel the blanket being pulled from me. It was at this point I let out a scream. I didn't wait. I shot out of bed and down the hall. The little girl in my room let out a screech and I heard the patter of footsteps behind me as I bolted to the stairs.

As well as having loved my mum, I’m now very grateful to her, I don’t remember being grateful to her before. I didn’t think that I could ever forgive my mum, but it’s your mum, you’ve got to forgive, you have to. True to his word, Hamish never did discuss it again with his wife — something he has lived to regret. It peed on the apron while it happened, and a long, thin sound came out of Aunt Ellen. Mother wanted to jump on Grandmother and make her stop. She was going to scratch her. Or else she was going to run, or maybe just scream. But she did none of those things, because Grandmother looked at her in such a strange way. Like it was a kind of experiment and the idea was to find out how much chaos she could cause inside her. The more chaos and noise she could make there, the better. Ellen’s mum told her that she’d had a relationship with a woman, but that she had married Ellen’s father and had never told anybody.I think my mother would have liked to have talked about it, but my father was so adamant that we weren’t going to talk about it that she didn’t talk about it either.

I love my wife and for a lot of the time we had a good relationship but this thing [the abuse] came between us,” Hamish says, “it did slowly poison our relationship.” Halfway down the stairs I saw someone that looked like one of the men with guns from my dream standing at the bottom. I was too scared to stop. I ran right at him and put all my weight into it, falling to the ground and right through him. He brought his rifle up like he was going to hit me with the butt of the gun but I got up and kept running. I was down the hall and in the living room when I felt a hand grab my arm and yank me to the ground.I nursed my mum when she was ill for a long time, and she had plenty of time to tell me, but she didn’t.” And I just stood there all quiet. I stood there and watched as though I didn’t care, while Aunt Ellen ran away and Grandmother squeezed the life out of four more rabbits. When she was done, her hands were shaking and there was such a wild look in her eyes. She said I was to go inside and wash. I’ve been able to have a career, have a family, and still be gay. My mum was technically denied the one thing she wanted, which was to be with probably the woman she loved. Now whether that was a relationship that would have continued, for the rest of her life, I don’t know.