I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

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Also, the consistent use of gendered pronouns (particularly “he/his”) was distracting and rather annoying. by that I mean this book only mentions histrionics in passing but the need to satisfy emotional needs can sometimes only be met through dramatic actions when you can't remember who just left the room (not joking).

There was no medication when the 1st edition was published, so this is an all-new chapter -- and it's clear the author doesn't understand any of it. I’m not a psychiatrist but even I KNOW you need to validate people’s feelings, not tell them they’re wrong, ESPECIALLY when you don’t know what they’re going through.

I don't want to go into the nitty-gritty scientific details here, but it seems the revision was limited to easily google-able factoids that could be looked up in an afternoon. But although it doesn't necessarily play a Sympathy Card in any respect, I couldn't help but feel slightly deflated after reading it -- particularly after the section discussing the BPD sufferer's affinity/attraction to narcissists, sociopaths and abuse. To compensate, he caroms back and forth from clinging dependency to angry manipulation, from gushes of gratitude to fits of irrational anger.

You sense a constant need to prove yourself, as you are subjected to silly emotional tests and games designed to confirm your continued validation. Is it not possible to keep your conservative, bigoted opinions to yourself in this “scientific” book? Having had two very important individuals in my life (one diagnosed, the other un), this book, I'll admit, armed me with previously unobtained knowledge on the condition. They may function quite well and are often very intelligent, even brilliant, doctors, lawyers, and other professionals.Rather than being from a place of compassion, empathy, or understanding this book feels like it was written as if BPD was a spectator sport. Rather than using case studies to support a scientific understanding, build empathy, and show success in treatment, case studies are a never ending competition to one-up earlier chapters in a context of 'that's crazy!

Parents' attempts to replace quality closeness with a growing arsenal of toys, television and empty scheduled events further deprives the children of the real identity formation and structure that they need. Indeed, others who know this person may even doubt your description of their troubles and difficulties since they remain unfamiliar with that side of them. The Spelling and Grammar editing wasn't awful, actually, but that's about all that wasn't utter trash. When there is no excuse for sabotage, they make one up, intentionally provoking problems and creating self-fulfilling prophecies. Personal, intimate, lasting relationships become difficult or even impossible to achieve, and deep-seated loneliness, self-absorption, emptiness, anxiety, depression, and loss of self-esteem ensue.the moral degeneracy of society since the 1950s, and the breakdown of the nuclear family into 'faux-families' (his term) and sexual deviancy (which, Kreisman explicitly states, includes homosexuality). I am incredibly thankful I have an educational background in this topic, so it was very easy for me to spot the problems. This is exacerbated by the breakdown of the extended family, which prevents the child from establishing concrete identification with his elder ancestors, as well as breaking their historical link to the past. In fact, a pattern of this type of “invited” victimization is often a solid indication of BPD pathology.

They may display to you the signs of being anorexic, shunning nearly all food, or bulimic, vomiting regularly after they eat, in the attempt to attain a sickly slender figure. A statement like “I know just how bad you are feeling” invites a mocking rejoinder that, indeed, you do not know, and only aggravates conflict. For this reason, the origin of splitting as a primary coping mechanism may develop to address the pattern of acceptance and validation as a child. I honestly gave up on this book early and hate-read the rest, so I guess you could say I still enjoyed it. Terrified that you'll leave, they provoke preemptive rejections, trying to leave you before you leave them.The book is informative and I learned some things from it, but it was very conservative and problematic. Therefore, it is helpful to take a much deeper look at the stereotypical pattern of a relationship involving the problem focused on by I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.