Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

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Besides the fact that it's not like it happens overnight, and I was amazed to see how early on the seeds of peer orientation are sewn.

So often I’ve seen parents of teens claim that their children don’t need them anymore or they have no interest in a relationship with them; they just want to be around their friends.Shaping values, identity, and codes of behavior, peer groups are often far more influential than parents. I understand that it gives a somewhat alternative view to parenting to most mainstream "systems" and there are some interesting insights to be had. But really this books spends more time whining about modern America and romanticising pre WW2 America than providing helpful parenting tips. Anyway, all in all, the author is not saying friends are bad, just that there should be adults around, and ideally you would be involved with your children and their friends and their families. I liked considering the major ideas of why kids are drawn to peers, because I see the pattern even in young and old children in my community who I believe to be securely attached.

They’re saying that if we work hard at keeping that attachment going, we should have a fairly smooth parenting experience, even with our teens. By advicing the fellow solution, the author just erasing the weight of the parents' mistakes and bad decisions (likely including his owns), as if dealing with the consequences would be something optional, if it gets too hard, just get rid of the kid and put the weight onto the shoulders of a relative, some teachers or some fellow kids. From 3rd to 7th chapter the book was written in this mentality, he didn't spent a word blaming the only ones responsible for their kid's turnaway - the parents, who didn't give them the attention, stability, peace and love they needed. It also made me resolve to be a better friend to other kids - to get to know my friend's kids better or other kids at church who could benefit from another caring adult in their life. The authors’ sense that children are slipping from adult grasp, becoming a sort of lost generation, will resonate with parents, especially those battling with excessive screen time or teenage estrangements.Because I did disagree with so much of it and knew I would need to do a review of it, I took lots of notes and I tried to analyze the authors claims and why I did or did not agree with them. Didžiąją jos dalį užima kalbos apie tai, kaip pavojinga ir kaip vispusiškai blogai yra orientacija į bendraamžius. I also think that young children have a natural desire to be connected to the family ecosystem and developing independence and the ability to participate can build connection rather than distance as the authors implied early in the book. We need to become more family oriented in our activities, rather than having parent-only and child-only interactions.

The main idea of the book (at least in it seemed to me) was that there is something wrong with "kids these days" and their attachment to their peers is to blame.He started arguing that the opposite happened, but then realized, that the daughter was right, he was the one not paying enugh attention to her needs. It's obviously a little older than the stage my kids are at, but I'm glad I read it before I get to that point where your kids are annoyed when you're around and just want to be with their friends, because it also seems like something you should just make your lifestyle. It just seemed like so many other things he was suggesting were different from the societal norm that it seems like he could have given it some weight as at least being beneficial to your children and worth the effort to make it work.

It’s not about methods or recipes for parenting but a psychological explanation to what we should and probably already have innate in us from the start. He actually describes this as a problem for most of the people my age that are reading the book as they raise young children. If they don't get it from us, they will try to find it somewhere else - and the results might be disastrous.

If you are concerned about losing your children to either their peers or modern technology this book is a must read.