Ready For Absolutely Nothing: ‘If you like Lady in Waiting by Anne Glenconner, you’ll like this’ The Times

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It’s amazing to think she built a whole career around advising women how they might look more stylish ( What Not to Wear began on the BBC in 2001). In her royal days, after all, she sported a look that was “somewhere between Victoria Wood and Fergie” (polka dots, plentiful ruching). But I don’t know, for all that it must have been lucrative, that it made her happy, even if it was only after it ended that her boozing began in earnest (she once appeared drunk on QVC). Somehow, though, she got through this bad patch. A turn as Anton Du Beke’s worst ever partner on Strictly Come Dancingwould, indeed, one day be hers (in 2018), and it surely says something about her charmed life that, in the small hours, it’s Ann Widdecombe of whom she thinks enviously, the former politician having somehow made it to week 10 of that redoubtable, long-running talent show. The publicity flyer sums the book up well: ‘You might think you know Susannah Constantine, but you may be surprised to learn the truth. That she made her name as a “style guru” from What Not to Wear, is actually the least interesting thing about her.’ Like some great Renaissance artist, Susannah Constantine’s life may be divided into three distinct eras. Early Constantine was high Sloane; she dated David Linley, the son of Princess Margaret, and went to Balmoral, where she witnessed Mrs Thatcher battling with the Queen for control of a Brown Betty teapot. Middle period Constantine is mostly all about her television career, when she and her friend Trinny Woodall made a living out of telling women what not to wear (in this capacity, she once explained to me that I had “saddlebags” and should immediately burn the coat I was wearing). Finally, there is the current epoch: late Constantine. At 60, her focus is on her family, on her “exceptional” home in the West Sussex countryside, and on her writing. This memoir is her third book; she has also written two novels. “A modern-day Nancy Mitford,” says Elton John encouragingly. When I set out to write this book, I thought I knew what it would be, but the process of writing it has revealed so much more. I’ve had the freedom to recall anecdotes from my life: some funny, some painful, but all of them show that despite everything, I was brought up to be ready for absolutely nothing!”

Just nine months later, Susannah delivered the book on time and complete with a collection of photos which reflect a life lived to the full. I grew up in the 1960s and ’70s when the only expectation my parents had for me was to get married and that was it. Education wasn’t important, my father said you’re better off learning how to make a decent Beef Wellington than you are to go to university!

Customer reviews

READY FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is for fans of The Crown, royal followers, readers of LADY IN WAITING, What Not To Wear fans and anyone who likes a gossipy memoir with bold faced names and a drop dead sense of humor. Susannah, who also no longer smokes but admits to having a vape “attached to my mouth 24 hours a day”, describes being an alcoholic as “more than just drinking too much”. This is not really an autobiography, definitely memoirs, with a surprising amount of her anecdotes featuring poo. I have so much respect for Emma and her family, who have such a sense of responsibility and are doing an incredible job as custodians.” When I first started writing, I was easily distracted and the house was never cleaner but my husband gave me some good advice and told me to look at it as a nine-to-five job and that’s exactly what I did!”

More than anywhere else, it’s where my heart is and where I feel happiest. When I die, I’d probably like to buried there!Rather than being chronological, it seemed to jump all over the place and the strangest thing is that a big chunk of her life – when she made her name in What Not To Wear – seems to be missing. She goes from her early career as a fashion designer’s gofer/ house model, straight to her ‘celebrity’ appearances on Strictly etc. This is particularly weird when you consider that her book is titled ‘Ready for Absolutely Nothing’ because her education and upbringing were merely preparation for her becoming a society wife. Susannah, who married Danish businessman Sten Bertelsen in 1995, has three grown-up children, Joe, Esme and CeCe. The children have not yet read their mother’s memoir, although many of Susannah’s connections mentioned in the book have dived in and “loved it”.

Wonderfully written, very funny, but more than anything completely genuine Lady Anne Glenconner, author of Lady in Waiting I was a highly functioning alcoholic so I denied it to myself and to everybody else for a long time, but eventually you realise it yourself. Yes, it’s a hard path to take, but my God, it’s worth it!” As well as writing two novels, Susannah went on to appear on popular TV programmes, such as I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! and Strictly Come Dancing.Also what is missing for me is the development of her career into TV, as this is where I knew her from. I think this is because she doesn’t cover her relationship with Trinny, which I totally respect, but she mentions becoming an independent woman within her marriage and personally would have liked to know more about that part of her career. Maybe it was too difficult to disentangle from the partnership. Following the death of both of Susannah’s parents, the Constantine family moved out of The Priory after 40 years, but she still makes frequent journeys north to stay with her friends at Belvoir Castle, finding it the ideal writing bolthole. Belvoir feels like home and I go and stay with the family several times a year. I’m very close to Emma [Manners, the current Duchess of Rutland] and her family as our kids have grown up together. he first met her soon-to-be TV partner Trinny Woodall in 1994, at a party hosted by Viscount Linley.

Constantine and I were both youths in the 80s but our lives couldn’t have been more different. After an expensive education, she frequented society nightclubs and socialised with Princess Margaret, Elton John and ( raising my forearms in a cross in front of me) Margaret Thatcher. It was an interesting look at ‘how the other half lives.’ But then it got me thinking and I realised that my life has been quite amazing and I’d taken everything for granted before.”It is a really entertaining read, but this was a book of two halves for me. The first half was a brilliant, brutally honest and fast paced read, covering her childhood through to her relationship with David Armstrong-Jones. I was totally fascinated by her world and what is was like to grow up in upper class Britain in the 60s/70s, being educated to be a society wife. I felt totally transported. It’s a disease of the mind, with alcohol just one of the symptoms. It’s an illness, not a condition and one that you have to look after just like any other illness. There is a lot we can't mention on this show - you have to buy the book to find out what we mean' STEVE WRIGHT, BBC RADIO 2 I do love Lincolnshire and still think of it as my home,” says Susannah, who fell in love with the county from the age of four when her family rented The Priory, a “gentrified farmhouse” in the shadow of the historic seat of the Duke and Duchess of Rutland as a weekend retreat.