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Gifts- Gifts do not have to be extravagant. They can be small. For example, maybe the submissive likes chocolate, coffee mugs, or makeup. You can get her one of these items and present it to her when she does as you ask or complies with a rule that has been difficult for her to follow in the past. Verbal rewards- Personally speaking, a “good girl” or “princess” will put me into the happy I want to serve my Dom place faster than anything else. Why bother with protocol? Well, protocol is about creating easy, sustainable ways of connecting with your dynamic. Protocol just means putting the effort in up front to create an easy, thought-out way of doing something, which helps both of you connect with the right headspace, so that you don’t need to find the capacity to do that amidst the chaos of everyday life. How to set rules for subs
If I have agreed to a particular behavior and I don’t fulfill the requirement or I forget or something, then an agreed-upon or appropriate consequence makes perfect sense. Important reminder: the subject of discipline should always be discussed beforehand to keep things consensual and safe, which is why reading The Ultimate Guide to a Safe BDSM Lifestyle is important. A written BDSM contract can list the types of punishments that are acceptable, and the severity that is agreed on.
If you’re not sure what you want, or how you feel about it, that’s okay! Just let your partner know. If you’re not clear on what you want, chances are the way you’re expressing your ideas isn’t clear either. That leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation. Saying something like ‘I’m not sure what I want, so if you could you let me talk through my thoughts and give me the benefit of the doubt if something sounds odd / weird / etc’ can prevent jumping to conclusions and foster clear and open communication. Talking points to cover around submissive punishment
I don’t ever see myself moving away from being in a sub domme relationship,’ he says. ‘I would just like it to be more accepted. I just think that just because I’m a male, that shouldn’t just mean I’m the dominant one. I would just like to think that males can be submissive if they want to. Women can be dominant if they want to as well.
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That is to say, punishment, just like reward, beauty, and the optimal shade of brown for toast, is entirely in the eye of the beholder. Is punishment the same thing as discipline? How do you want to feel while you are punishing / being punished? How do you want your partner to feel? It may sound silly to say ‘I want you to feel punished’ or something similar, but it can go a long way to getting what you want – the person best placed to guide you in what will be most effective for your partner will be your partner. When a submissive finds the right Dominant, some magic can happen. But there is one more step. You both need to agree on what you will both do, your limits, and punishments. Contracts
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